Where does the time go?

Wow, October 22nd was the last posting!  Not much going on in the sex department.  Various problems with life going on, typical reason for hotwives or swingers not to play.  I get a bit tired of the weather here...rain and cool today, had several inches of snow within the last week.  Not into that snow stuff at all.  Yes, it can be pretty but the mess after it starts to melt.

First the boring non-sex stuff.  Brandi's work is going okay.  I think at times it is a bit frustrating to her.  Her boss isn't that good (in many respects not at all a good worker or a good boss  but for some reasons the rules do not apply to her...Teflon and she is so self centered she is sure that everyone one loves her...other workers make fun of her to my wife and express sympathy to Brandi for having to work with her) and some of her fellow workers are  not the best and the brightest.  I think back to my flying days and I have to admit that for the most part airline workers were pretty bright and motivated...at least in comparison to some in retail! Son is still working...in the same place as Brandi.  Their schedules don't match so that sucks...both would like to save some gas by carpooling with each other. 

Cats are doing okay but it is obvious that our senior cat is getting old.  I hope he makes it for another year.  For various reasons we gave the dog we had to a friend that had lost their dog.  Seeing the dog's excitement when I stopped by and saw the friend was kind of like ripping my heart out...the dog was quite excited to see me.  While I know all the problems the dog caused us and how much more care a dog needs and my own problems at training a young dog...I also find it pretty easy to fall in love with a pet and stay in love with them.

There is some work going on to add to our garage and make it more into a garage/shop and later we hope to close in the dog runs since we are not going to have dogs in the future.  Well, except maybe one or two...

Darling Daughter is getting married.  We have not met the guy.  They have not been dating too long.  He seems to be much...much...MUCH better than some of DD's boyfriends in the past!  Educated, smart and driven.  DD is having some medical problems and will have some medical work done this month that should help.  Stress is not good for her at all right now.  She dropped out of school, Doctor's orders.  But you know how a wedding can be stressful.  I am trying to be optimistic that she will not become a "Bridezilla"!

Son is thinking of going to a trade school, a somewhat demanding physically trade but one that pays well.  Not sure at this time if he should do it but he does need to find a better thing that working retail for a career and to move out in a bit so he can see what living is actually like...paying all your bills and the actual stuff like doing laundry, dishes, cleaning the house a bit...the usual stuff of being an adult!

We also seem to be having two long term house guests in a bit...not sure how that happened and they have a rather large dog...think something like a husky!  An active young dog that chases cats!  Rent?  No idea!  Duration of stay?  No idea!  Me have any idea what is going on with them?  NO!  Just don't think it might be such a good idea...but no one asked me.  Yet at some point people will expect me to pull a miracle out of my butt and save things...

I have to admit that I don't really like the idea of guests with no fixed limit in this case.  Brandi isn't all that hot about having sex in the house with our son here so to have two more young men in the house does not bode well for an improvement on our sex life.  When the kids were young Brandi would (weather permitting) do yard work naked or almost naked...a pair of  shorts or cut-offs or swimsuit bottoms and topless or just a mesh top and no bottoms...or just a hat and smile.  She would also spend most the time naked in the house...rather enjoyable.  Those days are long, long past!

So that is one dog.  The second dog might be DD's dog if her soon to be husband cannot live with a dog...

My health problems are unchanged...still the head pain from the accident and my back is slowly getting worse.  Age and damage.  At times my days are very limited and I don't like that at all.  I never thought that a thirty-five minute car ride to town would cause me intense pain!

But the one thing that might be changing..?.  After two years or so of not playing...after a long time of not having any idea where Brandi and my sex life might be going...after several years of maybe once a month sex between the two of us Brandi now claims that she might like a lover.  We shall see.  She has no one in mind.  Doesn't seem too interested in looking at what AFF or AM or Kasidie might offer in the way of males.  So I am not sure where she expects to find a lover.  (Work does not seem to be a place she expects to find a lover either from her comments about most the males that work there.) 

Anyone know much about Kasidie?  I joined today.  Spent some time filling out a profile and all that to see it all just go no where!  Have not tried again yet.  Anyone have suggestions for a place for a couple (with a wife that can date by herself) to look for a lover for her?  (Keep reading...no need to rush and comment and help us  yet!)

The big bomb that Brandi dropped on me a few days ago was that DD (DD would have been about 14 or so??) knew of her playing around about ten years ago.  It does match the time that things changed  for the worse as far as our sex life (but didn't quite stop all the playing for a while) in our sex life.  There was a dramatic change in our relationship, our swinging/hotwife stuff and our relationship out of bed as well about ten years ago.  Me being almost always "wrong" about sex among other things.  Less interest in playing with others.  Fewer times of playing with others.  A big decrease in the sex between us...a big increase in her limits of things.  I don't know how to respond to the new information at all.  I do feel more than a bit betrayed by Brandi.  I should have been told.  I am still feeling some anger about it as well!  A lot of damage in our relationship has been done in the last ten or so years.  Our recent sex life can be shown by we had sex once in January, about the 17th.  I masturbated her to a couple of orgasms about the 22nd of January.  No sex of any sort in February.  I masturbated her and ate her to several orgasms March 01...the idea being that we would play on March 02...I was pretty sure that would not  happen since for the past few years most the time she has an orgasm or two she loses most if not all interest in sex for about month to six weeks.  It was obvious that she was subtly working on things to make sure that we would not do what we have planned to do on Tuesday (old people get a discount on the first Tuesday of the month in a local so we try to do some heavy shopping on that day) and long before the sun went down I was sure that sex was not on the menu any more either.

And I was right.  Sex was not on the menu, not on the calendar, not on the schedule.  What she is unwilling to face that the past years have taught me no to really take her word at face value (I find it bit depressing that I know that when Brandi or my son makes a "promise" to me they don't feel any real need to actually do what they have promised and at the same time they admit that while I don't always keep my promises as quickly as they would like I do usually keep them and make considerable effort at keeping any promise I make to them...it offends me that Brandi's response to me asking about her promises seems to be pretty much...so what?  No big deal to her at all.) and that any promises on sex tends to be more of a promise to do the exact opposite.  We really are at the point that I don't care all that much that we don't have sex more than once a month (in a good month) and that the sex tends to be Brandi having a few or more orgasms from my efforts and no orgasm for me, I actually at this time avoid having sex with her in that I try to avoid letting her do anything to get me off...I find I am just not interested in her begrudging actions to give me an orgasm.  While I still very much want to have sex (and I really want to have good sex with her) I also have a feeling of only going where I am wanted and Brandi has spent a lot of time making sure that I understand that sex does not mean much to her, not worth any effort from her and any words from her on sex that are not negative about sex are probably lies.  I've learned at 59 that there can be sex that is crappy enough to cause one to rather do without than to have it. 

As I told her....I used to (and at times still do) look for reasons, times and places to have sex with her and she looks for reasons not to have sex.  I can spent twenty minutes working out a compliment that I figure that she cannot take wrong...try to figure out any and all ways that one could take it wrong...then when at last I think that I have that compliment (sincere and honest) crafted with no possible way to take it wrong...she can figure out in a nanosecond how to take it wrong and takes it wrong!

So our life these days is just event after event like when she said that we would get a new floppy drive so I can go through all the old floppies we have with pictures on them (we had a Mavica that shot onto floppies and we have hundreds if not a thousand or more floppies with pictures and mostly non-sexual pictures) and we need to get them on something else so we can save them and use them and share them with the kids...and of course share the sexual ones with other than the kids.  Hasn't happened yet. But I still get talked at about..."Why don't you have those floppies sorted out?!

She talked about getting something that combined being a liberal with being into firearms.  Very time limited offer...as you might guess it didn't happen....one of those things we were supposed to do yesterday.  The offer is dead.  The part that confuses and bugs me about this...she is the one urging me to take that offer for the firearm related deal, she is the one urging me to save the picture on the floppies.  We have a car that needs a battery....yesterday was ten percent off, the old one was under warranty and of course the warranty is time limited...and the old battery sits, the car sits and yet I still get criticized for not getting that car running...  Just one more thing that I am supposed to do but she and Son are busy trying to make it impossible for me to do it.  "Why don't you have that old Ford running?"  "Why haven't  you fixed that noise on the Jag?"  (No parts...no money for parts and no other car running so I can have a car down for a couple of days...)

So while I would be delighted if she would start playing again (I enjoyed her playing for the pleasure it brought her and for the pleasure I got from watching her or knowing about it it also in the past meant that the more playing with others that she did the more sex we  had just between the two of us...so I am pretty sure that our sex life would improve if she actually did start playing with others again...talk about trying to load one sentence with too much!...) I have to admit that I really, really tend to doubt that she will.  Once in a while she will complain about the lack of sex she also tells me that she does not masturbate at all  and she is the one calling the shots on her (our) sex life.  Until she makes some sort of effort to improve her (and our) sex life it just isn't going to happen and all she has to do is look in the mirror to see the person that is her major stumbling block in any effort for her to have a better sex life.

So, after thinking about it, after writing about it I am over 90% sure that this is like all the other times that she told me that she was readying and willing and able and even a bit eager to play with a new lover or to have a better sex life.   I think it is safe for me not to bother to check on the ads at AFF, AM and no need to try to actually write a profile at Kasidie.  Interesting in that I started out thinking that this might be a thing that will actually happen but by using this post to gather my thoughts and think about it I became convinced that it really means nothing and that there will be no change.  The only real news was finding out that she had been "yelled" at by DD around?? ten years or so ago about she might have been having sex with other males...  I am thinking about the damage that the initial criticism has caused us and the continuing damage for all the years that Brandi kept it hidden.  Oh well...one cannot change the past but one can hope to learn from it...  I do want to close by saying that no one would be more delighted than me if all of a sudden that Brandi wanted to have a better sex life.  Words cannot express my joy if that happened.  Even with our no-sex relationship I do still love her.  But at this point she is the one that needs to make some effort to improve things.  I guess in a lot of ways this is like dealing with an alcoholic or a drug addict...friends and family can help, can urge, can try to teach but the real change has to come from within.  

I was going to cut some wood...But....

My Sister in Law's tenant passed away just a while ago and she wants the place quiet for a few days for his friends and family.  So it leaves me at a bit of a loss for the rest of the day, as far as serious things to do.  I could go split some of the wood we already have but...maybe I'm just a bit lazy today.  I am also thinking about how my back felt later yesterday after cutting some wood.  McManus used to complain about parks making their hiking trails steeper, I know the feeling, my chainsaws seem to be putting on weight!

This time of year is a bit hard for Brandi, her older brother died years ago, when she was about 16 this time of year.  Her oldest brother died this time of year a year ago and I think there is another death in her family about this time of year so it isn't a time filled with good memories for her.  Even though her SIL's tenant was not a friend of ours we know it will effect her SIL and it will give her more work.  SIL was cleaning up her tenant's affairs, the cleaning up his bills, and some other issues.  Good for him in that she is a very honest person without the baggage that some family might have Don't bother asking me how I know: I know what my sister did to my mother's estate and that was from incompetence and not wanting to "offend" (a nephew lived rent free in a  house for about 18 months, not what he or his parents agreed to..."But his Grandmother would have wanted it that way" says his mother...I don't think so, my Mother would send cash or checks to a grandchild to even up what she gave them compared to the other grandkids just to make sure that she spent the same on each so unless she could have made sure to provide a house for each she would not have done it for one).  I also know how my wife's youngest brother robbed his father blind and then tried to dump him on the VA...but he had always been a thief even as a young man, his parents bailed him out several times.  I get the impression that the tenant did have some issues with his family.  Who doesn't?

Children do have to watch out and pay attention to what is going on in their parent's lives.  Even aside from getting their fair share of the estate (if any) one would not want one's parents being stolen from by a brother or sister...or even a stranger.  Even a short look at the news will reveal stories about older people being ripped off by strangers convincing them that they are helping a niece or nephew or buying a roof job or driveway sealing.  Or somehow they are going to help someone from Nigeria get their fortune...and they will get rewarded.  I never thought anyone would fall for that but we read about someone reporting it to the police a few times each year.  We used to get letters telling us that we  had won something in Canada...after checking with the Post Office we found out that it was a common but "low cost" fraud and no one was really interested in doing much to stop it since there was far bigger frauds going on that they didn't have the time or money to pursue.  When times are tough one does get tempted to fall for this type of stuff so I expect to real more about people falling for such things.

I think that all families are dysfunctional to some degree.  "Leave it to Beaver" families do not exist in the real world.  I think my mother in law spent a good part of her life somehow thinking that she was being cheated by not having a "Leave it to Beaver" or some other fantasy TV show life and she didn't understand that real families have problems that don't get fixed in thirty or sixty minutes (minus the time for the commercials) or even an  hour if it is a very complex problem with worthy of a two part story line.  All families have problems, the important thing is what you do with problems and how do you deal with the results of the problem solving.

Somehow I've drifted off writing about sex, swinging, hotwives and cuckolding.  Not sure quite how it happened.  I know for various reasons we have not been having much sex recently.  Don't know when that will change.  When it does change you will be the third or fourth to know.  I'll guess Brandi will be the first to know, then either me or her lover would be second and if it is a lover I'd guess I'll be third so...

Time does pass, thanks for the sympathy.

Thank you.  At times I still get home and know I have to  check on him, see how he is doing.  When I don't see him where he spent his last months sometimes I almost panic and start to look for him.  Some of the other cats are demanding more attention, at times it seems as if they are working to get our minds off B.  They do remind us that they are still here needing attention, care and food...and love. 

Seems like a lot of death going around.  I have a somewhat distant uncle that I would asssume is dying soon from cancer but the Doctors are still working (removed his bladder this week).  My wife's sister in law lost her husband last year and a long term renter of a house on their property is dying, hospice right now and a matter of days I'd guess.  She had to put a pet to sleep not too long ago.  Life does go on and it is interesting to think how life does go on. I hate to sound too Disney about it but we all are born and we all will die at some point.

My parents were both buried and the cemetery required a vault and all that.  Father was not embalmed but my Mother was, against her wishes, but I'd been to another Uncle's funeral in the South (small town South does funerals RIGHT!) not too long before and I found the viewing and all that to be a big comfort for all of his friends and family so I got the rest of the family to go for that.  If there is an afterlife I guess I will have to answer to my Mother about that...she was strongly against it.  But somehow I doubt if I will be in the same place as my Mother, being rather lacking in some respects.

My wife's parents were both cremated, their wishes.  But in recent years my wife has decided she would like to be shrouded and buried, no embalming.  I am still not sure how I feel about that and to be honest I don't worry about what might be done with my body, it will not matter to me at that point.  While I am not "looking forward" or wanting to die I've found that I do feel a lot more mortal these days. 

While over all my health is pretty good I do have some long term pain issues that are getting worse rather than better and I have a lot more understanding of why some people choose to end their lives.  So I guess I accept that I will die and of course at my age it will be sooner than later (I'll be 59 in a few days so I don't expect 59 more birthdays) and as long as it sticks to what should be...parents do not outlive their kids...I think I can face it.

As I have mentioned in the past I was (or is it like being a Marine...once one always one?) a pilot for years and about 20,000 hours (not a lot in some ways so I'm not bragging by any means) and I got to fly to some interesting places and I got to fly some interesting aircraft.  But I've gone flying with a friend in light airplane, a almost 60 year old taildragger and one that has a reputation for not wanting to be "good" on landings or take-offs (good to get a little humility now and then eh?). It is worth a posting so I will try to get on it.  But I have cars to work on and wood to cut (and the chainsaws are getting heavier and bending over with one to cut firewood is real killer for my back) and other "fun" things to do.

Another Non-Sexual Post...no politics either.

We have several cats(about fifteen) (and one ferret).  Ever since we have been married we have always had cats.  We had cats before we were married.  One of the problems we had when we were first married was that our cat family did not get along.  But it worked out after a while.  One of the things that might cause us to not get divorced would be...who would get the cats?!

I am really not sure how many cats we have right now.  We have three shop cats that are pretty much feral that we were given by a couple moving into an assisted living facility.  A couple more that spend more time out than in, a stray that now lets me hold him, and the house cats that spend most of their time inside.  We live on eight acres so it isn't that big of a deal.

But one of our special cats died yesterday.  He was all black, about seven years old.  Darling Daughter got him at the vet, he showed up at the Vet's during a snow storm...a little black hungry kitten.  After he was checked out by the Vet we kept him.

Like I said we have had a lot of cats and some are more special than others.  He was very special.  Good personality, friendly to people and to other cats.  A real people cat.  Loved being around people.  Would walk with me down the drive to get the paper.  Spend time in the garage when I was working on a car.  Whenever the washing machine was filling...he would be there, watching and playing with the water.  Liked being carried.  Would ride on my shoulders.  Loved being played with, he liked being held by  his rear legs...dangling.  Never had another cat do that.  Fixed but still an alpha male but didn't fight much and enjoyed playing with kittens.

About seven months ago we took him to the Vet.  The one we got him from.  He was not acting like himself.  He had been a very graceful and active cat and now he was not so graceful.  Didn't make all of his jumps.  Something wasn't right.

Something wasn't right!  Feline Leukemia!  We had another  cat that tested positive for FLV years ago.  Told to put her to sleep but we couldn't.  She lived for years...never infected another cat and before she died she no longer tested positive.

The Vet said about half the cases live a long time and some, he wasn't sure of the numbers, just seem to "cure" by themselves.  He didn't think we should put him to sleep.

He never complained.  Up to last week we could pet him, brush him, feed him and he would purr.  And purr.  It has been months since he could walk.  Treats.  What ever food we thought he would like.  Tuna, bacon, ham, fancy cat food.  Water and broth by syringe to keep him hydrated.  About a month ago he started losing weight.  More treats and more effort to find things he would eat.  More broth and water by syringe.  Still no complaining.  No idea what to do.  He could crawl some and did at times.  The Vet said to watch and when he starts hiding he is in pain and it might be time to put him to sleep.  But he never hid.  And he would purr...a great purr.

This last week he just would not eat much.  Yesterday morning I had him on a pad on our bed.  He liked being there.  That morning he ate some bacon, took a little broth and that was it.  Got a little more broth in him about noon.  I'd check on him about every hour, try to get some liquid in him.  About three I saw that he had moved off the pad and had wet the bed.  I moved him and his pad to the floor and stripped the bed and started washing the sheets, spread and all.  About forty minutes later I was in our  bedroom and checked on him.  Paws were moving, like he was kneading.  He was moving some.  I got down with him and held him, petted him, talked to him.  In less than ten minutes he was still.  Dead.  Letting my wife know was hard.  She would feel bad that she was not with him.  Darling Daughter, who does not live with us any more, cried at the news.  Yes, he is ours but she is the one that had him first.  Our son was upset and he isn't a cat person.  He was that kind of cat!

I really don't think he had much pain, maybe a bit right at the end.  I don't know.  I hope he didn't have much pain.  I don't know what I would do different.  When B gets home from work in a bit we will pick out a spot to bury him.  We will find a place that he liked in the yard.  Maybe close to the pond since he loved water...loved the pond.  He would play in the stream of water from the spitting frog.

Pets are not..."just a pet", "just a cat", "just a dog" or "just a ferret".  Pets are part of our family.

A little bit on kissing and then a little political stuff from Bob Altemeyer. LONG POST WARNING

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1. Commando: Sexy or disgusting? Do you have a "best" commando story

It can be quite sexy on females or males.  I don't go commando too often due to liking a bit of support and I guess habit.  At times Brandi will go and when she is dating it depends in part on what pleases her lover.  Best story:  Brandi used to play a fair amount of tennis and would still love to play some...tennis.  Years ago we were stopping by to visit my mother and she was a great lady but not at all open about certain subjects but not really a prude either.  So Brandi for my enjoyment was wearing one of her tennis skirts minus the panties...no bra either but that isn't important.  We were chatting with my mother and Brandi was standing next to where my mother was sitting.  My mom flipped up Brandi's skirt as she was asking, "I've always wondered just what do you wear under those little skirts..."  When she recovered...not all that much later she commented..."Now I know!"

Another time we were out with one of her lovers and sitting upstairs in a bar...just one of those simple railings and she and Henry were sitting close and at some point in the evening she had lost her thong.  At some point Henry noticed that there were a few tables down below that had some guys giving her a look and of course she was not really paying attention and her legs were a bit open as well as Henry had a hand on and at times between them.  A college town so it gave an older woman (late 30's at that time) a bit of a thrill in some ways that they were so interested in her...

2. Foreplay: Is there such a thing as too much?

There comes a time that it is appropriate to move on.  Mercifully Brandi seems to agree with me on that, at some point she wants more than foreplay.



3. Oral sex: Good if you are getting? Good is you are giving? Equally ewwwww?


I enjoy getting and giving.  There can be such a thing as a bad blow job but a bad blow job is a lot better than no blow job.  Brandi doesn't  feel she is all that great at it but I think she is pretty darn good and is usually enthusiastic about it.  Someone that enjoys doing it adds to the pleasure.  I've been told by her and by others I am pretty darn good at oral sex even to the point of having a partner ask her husband..."Why can't you eat  my pussy like that?"  Most guys seem to take that okay but I do worry.  (Oregon is a easy "carry" state! LOL)

4. Orgasm: Is one per night enough or does the first one just get your motor running?

For me, one is usually it so I try to make it last and be a good one. Given the right time and place two is possible and once in a great while three.  Brandi is very easy multi-orgasmic.  One is just foreplay for her.



5. Morning sex: "Oh hell yes!", "Well if I have, too." or "Just get in the shower and go to work."


Ah, time and place again.  Used to be great but we seem to have so many demands on our time and so tired a lot of the time.
 
Bonus (as in optional): Have you ever had anonymous sex? Have you ever had an orgasm without at least
 knowing your partner's last name?

Yes for both of us. We used to do some swing parties...

I blew the credit for this...so I will try to add it later.

---

It has been a while...busy, had minor surgery and some other things...

A few questions...

Do I still fly?  Nope, I'd like to but there are the issues of being "disabled" and then getting a FAA medical.  I think I could get a Third Class Medical (Private Pilot) and then do some flying but the other issue is of course money.  It is quite pricey to me to go rent an airplane.  I'm used to getting paid for my flying, not having to pay for it.  I know that sounds very snotty but the money is a real issue (if I had more I'd do it).  I'd love to do some flying even if I was paying for it.  If I ever win the lottery...

I miss the travel in my flying, it was fun seeing the world but I also miss the flying.  It is hard express the pleasure you feel with a flight well done.  A smooth take off, a trouble free flight and then a smooth approach and landing.  When it all fits together and works out just right it is so much fun...and pleasure.


Brandi's Concern...Leaving me?  No, don't think that is really a big issue to her.  She has had a few guys in the past get interested in more than sex and friendship and when it got to be too much they were gone.  I am sure that there is some thrill for the both of us in the risk of Brandi finding a lover that gets to her so much that she is seriously thinking of leaving but so far all the guys she has been with have had at least one warning flag to her that it really wouldn't work in the long run with them.  I am sure that she has day dreamed or fantasized about running away with one or two or even running away for a weekend or a week or two or even longer as in really running away but we all have fantasies that we don't really expect or want to live out.

I still think that the issues are age (energy), the pressure of the one kid at home, money...due to me not working (disability is better than nothing and I am very grateful for it but...), time (she does work full time and most weekends she is at work so that takes up time that a lot of people use for playing), my continuing health issues (we are still working on my back and head pain and no real answers yet...I know the pain does not help my attitude or my energy level and I am unable to do things I used to do with ease, like work on the yard and cars).  I also think that she doesn't feel all that sexy or desirable right now.  Also she feels a bit down in that the men that she has meet (and not had sex with) just were not quite what she was seeking.  She tends to forget that in the past she has had times when it just seemed impossible to find the right lover and it does take a fair amount of effort to find them at times.  Look around at the honest hotwife or cuckolding blogs and you see that it is a common complaint.  Of course one of the funny things to go along with that is that you either have no good prospects or a flood of guys that really seem to work.  Seems rare to be in some sort of  place  between the extremes.  Oh well.

Aside from not much at all going on.  The new kittens are beginning to romp and stomp. Great consternation for the older cats and we are having to be very careful with our feet.  Six little furry commandos running around.  Delightful to watch.  Mom cat is being a good mom and she also is quite the hunter.  Saw her very efficiently dispatch a rather large rat...that bit at the neck and twist.  Very well done and the rat was about half her weight if not a bit more so it was impressive.

Off for a little yard work and chores.  Later.